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Am I Really ‘Asking For It’ in This Mini-Skirt?


A few weeks ago, there was a very controversial dialogue on ‘Ghana twitter’ that was instigated by the tweet of a popular tailor among Ghanaian tweeps.

“Woman go do buss it challenge throw their ass down heavy finish come tell you say ‘don’t sexualise me’. Don you make serious?”

To translate, Women throw their ass down doing the buss it challenge and turn around to tell people not to sexualize them. Are you serious?

Photo by @enigakyurt

I personally did not know how to feel on the first read because as a woman, one who fights the unsolicited advances and utterances from men, I do not see myself ever asking to be sexualized.

As expected, most men argued to support the tweet and the girls were angry and got support from some “woke” men on the timeline. It was a heated day as feminists on the timeline took several jabs, ugly ones at all the men who were in support of the tweet.

This is where I might irk a lot of you women but again, it is just my opinion. You’re entitled to disagree with me.

Photo credit @shudugram

We as women, need to understand that since the inception of man, most men have had the inherent trait of seeing women as sex objects. It will be a bit unrealistic of us to expect that, we’ll wake up one day and expect that, a man with blood running through his veins will see you shaking your butt, wiggling your boobs, making sexual movements with your body and not have sexual thoughts. The biggest difference between perverts and unpervert men is that, perverted men act on the sexual thoughts by making derogatory comments and going as far as to touch us without our consent.

I will never agree with or side with the asking for it narrative because that puts a very thin line between normalizing the rape culture. But, baby, this is the internet age, you’re totally comfortable with posting your boobs, shaking your ass for over 1 million people that you don’t even know a 1,000 of. It’s a bit ignorant to assume nobody will pass a sexual statement.

It’s also double standard to post something that you find sexually appealing and expect that men will see it and see you on your knees with the Holy Bible in your hand.

Again, I’m in no means justifying sexualisation. The thing is, whether us women acknowledge it or not, it happens and it will keep happening. We can’t control men and their thought processes. Most men think with their penis, imagine you, trying to control 1,000’s of men that you barely know.

Even on days that you post a picture fully clothed, some men will still find a way to pass derogatory comments.

You know what you can do, grow a tough skin and accept that the change might happen, but it’s not going to happen in a day. It’s a futile battle you’re fighting if you keep posting your boobs and butt and expect men to praise you for your intelligence and your resilience as a woman.

Let’s be totally honest, some of the comments you get ‘gasses’ you up. It’s why you keep posting them. It’s social media. You’re entitled to do and post whatever you want. What you cannot do, is control the people your post reach and what they do with it. If it really bothers you so much that you’re being sexualized, maybe you can make an effort to lessen it because like I said earlier, posting images of you fully clothed will not guarantee that you will not be sexualized.

Be yourself, yes. But you also need to learn to read the room knowing and acknowledging the reality. You can’t wear a bikini to a men’s only event and expect that eyes will not follow your movements, expect not to get cat called. The reality is that, as sad as it is, women will always be prey for perverted men. You can take actions to protect yourself, yes but right now, we can’t change the fact that it is what it is.

It’s a sad reality but there is also very little we can do about it. Be safe and make informed decisions because “bad bitching” comes at a price, a cost you should be willing to pay if you’re going down that path.



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