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“YES! YOU ARE GETTING BREADCRUMBED.”


Black-girl-hugging-boyfriend
Photo by @darinbelonogova

I would love to say I’ve never been on this table but the joke will be on me! I liked the same person for close to two years. We parted ways occasionally but he was always lingering in the background whenever I leave a relationship. He’d be sweet, attentive and I’ll think, maybe this is it. The moment he realises things are getting heated, he detaches and comes back to offer little bits of him when I seem to be moving on.


You’re probably wondering what getting breadcrumbed means right? I hadn’t even heard about the word till a few days ago. It’s a popular situation most of us find ourselves in too often. It’s demeaning and mostly leaves you feeling drained, unworthy and undeserving of the best kind of love.

Breadcrumbing is basically when someone shows inconsistent displays of interest in a bid to maintain the attention from someone when they have no intention of entering a committed and lasting relationship with this person.


Black-American-couple-arguing
Photo by Alex Green

Lesley has known Jake for close to a year now. He’s safe and might be an ideal partner if he wasn’t so boring. Conversations with him are always one-sided and it gets on her nerves. The ideal and humane thing for Lesley to do is to let Jake know that she doesn’t see a future with him but Lesley enjoys the attention she gets from Jake coupled with the random gifts. Because of this, she keeps Jake around. There are times her annoyance shows through her replies or she leaves him on read for hours and replies later with a flimsy excuse. On days that she needs to feel that safety he offers or needs a favour, she will suddenly be attentive and make him feel special until she doesn’t need him again.


Couple-in-matching-pink-outfits
Photo by Antoni Shkraba

You can get breadcrumbed by someone who enjoys getting attention, wants to keep you as “a second option”, is emotionally unavailable, is not ready for a relationship but enjoys the benefits of a relationship and someone who seeks validation by keeping people who are interested in them around.


Black-American-couple-arguing

I was in a situationship where relationship was dangled at me for months. I was performing all the acclaimed duties of a girlfriend and playing the part really well too. The only times I got anything similar in return was when he needed a favour or wanted someone to spend the weekend with. There were times I felt he’s ready for a relationship then he pulls the rug from under my feet. This was someone who wanted all the benefits of an actual relationship even though they knew very well they were not available emotionally.


Couple-sit-beside-eachother-nature-Africa
Photo by @uncoveredlens

Breadcrumbing doesn’t happen only in romantic relationships, they are also found in platonic relationships and can be as frustrating. I think it’s safe to say that we all have one or two friends in our lives who exhibit at least one of the following;


• They put minimal effort into seeing you, and postpones whenever it’s not convenient for them.

• Always tells you they want to hangout but never follows up to make plans.

• Texting you when they are in need and never reaching out otherwise.

• They keep people around for fun and comes to you when there’s an issue.

• They always leave you feeling confused and questioning your worth after they leave.

• They put in extra effort and show interest when it seems you’re detaching.


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Breadcrumbing is a red flag nobody should ignore. These are toxic people who know exactly what they are doing. Do not make excuses for them, leave as soon as you can. It might be harder when you are used to getting the bare minimum from people around you but BABE, you do not have to settle. Find ways to remove yourself from these kind of situations.

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