"Are you as freaky as the things you write? Can we recreate your latest story? I want you to do that tongue thing the girl did in your story to me. Do you write porn?"
There hasn’t been a single day in the past 2/3 years that a guy who chanced upon my blog failed to ask me any of the questions above or make a sexually disrespectful statement about my work.
Growing up in a typical middle-income Ghanaian home, sex was something I heard about in school. I never saw my parents do anything more than sit beside each other on the couch because they never engaged in a public display of affection. I learned about sex from my peers at school and from movies I used to hide to watch.
It was intriguing and I got hooked on finding the best sexual version of myself right after my first experience and I have not regretted this decision ever since. As human as I am, occasionally I have doubts if the path I’ve taken is the right one. Then I remember that there are several people out there like me – people struggling to be open and honest about their sexuality and owning up to it.
Sex expert Angela Jones, Ph.D., says sexual activity is pretty much the essence of human nature. How then, do some people feel the need to smother others under their moral compass and religious affiliations because they seem to be owning up to the essence of human nature?
I think it is fine not to be sexually empowered. Everybody has the right to their own life choices, and that includes choosing to be close-minded about sex. So why does it have to be different for people on the other end of the line?
How will it feel like empowerment when I have to filter my thoughts every single time I’m speaking to people, including my friends? Is it ever going to be okay to be the authentic version of myself, or will I have to live my whole life worrying about how people will perceive me once they find out I know how to utilize available options for sexual expression and erotic experience?
I started a blog dedicated to erotica stories based on both my personal experiences and my imagination in 2019 and the first two months were so difficult that I gave up on it and deleted all the stories I had put up. I know someone who got fired from her job because she started a sexually inclined podcast. But does it have to be that way?
I had guys in my DM’s telling me all the things in my stories they would want to do to me and how my face is what they "jerk off" to after reading any of my stories. As someone who had just finally accepted that being sexual was not a bad thing, it was a really hard blow to deal with. I was not ready for the comments that people made. I guess I should have anticipated that it would come with what I had chosen to create awareness about.
It took me another 3 months to gather the courage to write another story and I have not looked back since then. That is not to say the comments stopped. No, they got worse with time because my writing got better with each article and my stories became more relatable and realistic.
For those who seem to have forgotten, the year is 2022. The world has come a long way and has evolved through many stages, and nobody is trying or forcing their sexuality on you, but it’s also about the shame, guilt, and negative emotions society attaches to sexually liberal people are rid of.
Angela Jones, Ph.D., writes in Cosmopolitan that humans are sexual beings, so do not work on your sex life and understand your sexuality is denying yourself a full understanding of who you are," she explains. Not only does knowing what you do (and don’t) like sexually help you find pleasure—whether it’s solo or with a partner—but sex itself is a form of communication and self-care.
There’s a general misconception that being sexually liberal or empowered means going around and sleeping with anything that moves, which is shallow and comes from a very ignorant place.
Amy Jo Goddard, a sexual empowerment coach, and educator explains what sexual empowerment means here. This is for everyone out there being made to feel like their choice to be sexual makes them less of a person or gives others outside the spectrum the right to alienate and exclude them while slut-shaming them.
We don’t have to continue living in a world where we are judged by our sexual decisions or feel the need to hide behind a façade just to fit in with other people. I'm so involved in this that there was no way to link my blog to me if you didn't know me personally for a long time.
For every young adult out there being judged for their sexual choices, I hope you read this one day and come to the realization that people will judge anyway. Go ahead and do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt others or influence them to make the wrong choices. Your sexual choices are yours and yours alone. Break free from the misconceptions associated with being a sexual being, and BE YOU, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.
Next time someone passes an ignorant statement, you let them know, YES YOU’RE SEXUALLY EMPOWERED, NO THEY’RE WRONG ABOUT WHAT SEXUAL EMPOWERMENT MEANS!