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Talk Your Pleasure: What is the Orgasm Gap?

Updated: Jul 28, 2022


“I’ve never had an orgasm. No man I’ve been with has been able to make me finish. My ex used to make me cum more than my current boyfriend, he can’t even find the clit.”

This is no blow to advocates of the orgasm gap and I am also not trying to diminish that it is a valid cause but whatever happened to women being responsible for your body. For centuries, sex has been made to seem like it’s only an enjoyable activity for the man because they finish and most women don’t. Whatever happened to take control of your pleasure. Considering the burden men carry around as natural caretakers, why are some women so adamant about adding their orgasms to the list of things men should do?

Contrary to what most sexually active people know/believe, orgasms aren’t the reasons for sex. Sex is a beautiful, sometimes messy tool for pleasure. Getting an orgasm is a part of this pleasure but orgasms shouldn’t be your sole reason for having an orgasm. When you place so much emphasis and focus on having an orgasm during sex, you only miss out on the feelings you’re meant to experience.

I’ve come across several social media posts mostly by heterosexual women bashing heterosexual men for their inability to give them an orgasm. I’ve had personal conversations with some female friends, acquaintances, and sometimes strangers who go ahead to undermine and ignore the part they play during sex while putting all the blame on their sexual partners.