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Are You Friends with Benefit Material?

📸 @bolajiodukoya

“I think Rick is cheating on me.”

“What? Your Richie? Are you guys serious now?”

“No we’re not but what does that matter?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong but you’re in a friends with benefits and you’re thinking your partner is cheating? Seems to me you’re getting carried away.”

I’ve seen so many people enter into a friends with benefits relationship and left broken-hearted or hurt because they either did not grasp what it means from the onset or along the way, they get the lines blurred.

Photo credit: Lost in the jungle Anok Yai

For anybody looking for some clarity, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (FWB) is a casual relationship in which two people are physically intimate yet are not committed to each other. This is usually a purely sexual relationship between two people who enjoy spending time with no strings attached. It’s usually non-monogamous so if it wasn’t stated from the onset, either parties are free to explore with other people.

It can be a fun and fulfilling way for sexually liberal individuals to pass their time with no emotions. Unfortunately, it’s not fun for most people because some general rules are overlooked or broken by one person along the line. Are you wondering what some of these rules are? Keep reading to find out..



If you’re looking to enter into this kind of relationship, it’s important to bear in mind that your partner has no obligation to dedicate certain times to you. Birthdays and special days don’t count unless you both spoke about making it count. They are also under no obligation to be faithful to you. They have the right to explore other sexual or emotional relations with other people. It’s also the wrong place to assume a serious relationship can start from. Yes, it happens in some rare cases but I’d advise you not to bank your hopes on making someone fall helplessly in love with you from a FWB.



If your partner decides to open themselves to you emotionally, lucky you! It will be a folly to have emotional expectations of any sort from a partner in this kind of relationship. Some may argue that it’s common courtesy to be there for someone you’re sexually involved with and maybe that’s true. But it’s a courtesy this other party should willingly extend. Do not think you can force it out of them. No, they are under no obligation to offer you a shoulder to cry on. Yes, you are wrong for expecting them to send you flowers after you bagged your dream job. Find a serious relationship if you have these expectations.


Your partner can decide to have other relationships on the side and you will have no say in this. He/she is under no obligation to be 100% available for your needs. They can decide to complement their needs by getting together with other people.



If you both make the decision to go on occasional dates, lucky you! You have absolutely no right to be on their neck for cute date nights, brunch, getaways and important holidays celebrations.

Obviously, this is a relationship reserved for some people and not everybody.

Do not enter into a FWB because that’s what your partner is willing to give, you’re better off single. Do not enter one if you know that you easily get lines blurred or catch feelings quick. Do not get into a FWB if you’re not on the same page with the other party. FWB works best if you’re both looking for the same thing out of the relationship.

📷 @dancarter

If at any point at all, the lines get blurred for you, do not wait or assume your partner knows your feelings have changed. Communicate with them to settle on a way forward. It will be insensitive of you to expect them to reciprocate whatever feelings you may have developed. My advise, run the other way if they aren’t on the same page with you. Do not stay with hopes that they will develop feelings. You’ll be waiting while they fall in love with someone else on the side. Having wishful thoughts won’t serve either of you.

If you’re in a FWB and wondering how not to catch feelings, BABE, there’s no formula to this… I guess something you can do is to avoid doing cute couple stuff and maybe…just maybe, you’ll be able to remind yourself every now and then that that’s all it is; a fun casual relationship.

P.s: It’s pointless if the sex you’re getting isn’t good, don’t waste your time.



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