Honestly, I think long distances are as pointless as trying to fill a barrel with a hole in the bottom. Why settle for something out of reach when I can have so many of them close whenever I want?
I was once in a situation where my boyfriend was transferred to another city about 6 hours away from me. As a “hard girl”, I thought I could wing it. I can go visit as and when and he can do vice versa. Well, life happened because I realized I wasn’t a ‘hard girl” after all. I’m the kind of girl who wants my man available when I need him. I want to be held when I’m having bad days and spend a whole weekend just relaxing around each other because we can. I became a pain in the ass because I was always irritable even though it wasn’t his fault. Yeah, you guessed right! It ended because I realized they are just not meant for me.
Some people swear by this though. I recently read an article that says 58% of long-distance relationships have a success rate but I remain skeptical. Maybe if I had come in the 1960s, I will be more open to the idea of being away geographically from my romantic partner. This generation of lovers is saddled with loads of trust issues, ego, pride, self-service and so many negative traits that make it almost impossible to even be steadfast in a relationship where you can be together constantly not to talk of having to see your partner once in a while. It’s a big No for me.
Just to get perspective from others to test whether I’m being biased towards LDRs, I compiled a few questions to ask a few friends of mine. It’s important to note that, these are individuals between the ages of 20-25. Let’s see what each person had to say.
1. What are the pros and cons of your LDR?
Chiamaka: For me, one main advantage is that I get to be in a relationship while having the independence to be my person. I don’t feel suffocated at any point in time because we’re not always in each other’s space.
Akua: After a few months of not having sex after he left, I believe it strengthened our emotional connection because we took sex out of the equation (not that we had an option). When we did meet each other, we never seemed to get enough of each other which was quite nice.
Nana: For me, it’s the fact that I have my own space to do as I please, no one is micromanaging my movements.
2. What are/were the cons of your LDR?
Chiamaka: It’s an endless battle of emotions. I always wonder how things can be different if we were both at the same place. Talking over the phone is never enough.
Akua: Our time difference caused communication issues and I didn’t have someone to physically comfort me when I was going through difficult times. The lack of sexual intimacy whenever I needed it was also trying.
3. What’s your general take on LDRs?
Eze: I won’t do it because I don’t think it will serve the purpose for which I’m in a relationship. I think sometimes, people just follow their feelings blindly and end up worlds apart while struggling to maintain the relationship. How do you expect an LDR to thrive when your love languages are physical touch, quality time, and acts of service? Our generation takes split seconds decisions and neglects so many things. What are your plans for the future? Do you see one of you compromising to move to the other person’s state? If not, there is no point in wasting time. If your plans and goals for the future align, then go for them.
Chiamaka: For me, this is the person I see myself spending the rest of my life with and it hasn’t been easy so far but it is worth every moment and I will do it all over again if I have to. With constant communication, reassurance, trust, respect, and expressing our feelings, I believe LDR for me is a journey worth embarking on with and for the right person.
Insightful responses, I must say but did it change my mind? No!
I’m not here to downplay the importance for those who are in it. I admire every single person making it work but I just know it’s not for me. I’m the kind of person who wants to burrow into your skin when I’m having a bad day, I want to come and rant to you in person, get take out, and binge-watch some comedy series. For me, being in an LDR will be very limiting to my love life. If you’re in one it’s important to know that to have a chance at succeeding, communication is key but doesn’t overdo it to the point that your conversations become boring because there’s nothing to talk about. Pace the conversations. Be open about your feelings to your partner. Be respectful even during arguments, trust in the feelings you have for each other, and randomly remind your partner that they are the one you want.
Maybe, just maybe, some LDRs have a high success rate even with a generation as lost as we are when it comes to love. For most young people, love is tainted and comes with so many negative feelings. I’m glad I remain a hopeless romantic despite all these though. I believe in LDRs, just not for myself.